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A Call to Healing [May. 31st, 2008|12:05 am]
Tomas Gallucci
[music |Into the West]

Recently on ehowton's blog, I issued the following ultimatum to melancthe:


You say I'm an idiot and compare me to some CD shop guy? Well, I'm ready to prove to the world that you're a bigger fool then I ever hope to be.

I was rummaging through my email today and I found some rather damning letters you sent me last year. You keep saying that if I'll post private conversations about snapper521, I'll post them about you. Too bad you gave me the idea.

I'd like to spare you this embarrassment.

If you go away and never comment in ehowton's journal ever again, I will not post those emails, re-friend ehowton and let the good times roll. There is a clock on this deal: I expect a signal of your intentions by 1700 your local time or 1000 CST.

If ehowton defriends me, bans me, deletes this comment or the email, I will immediately post those emails on my site publicly and never remove them. If the ass-kissing continues on this site, I will post the emails.

I don't care where you go. You can have fun on your site where I can't see it, you can go to photogoot's site, you can create new sites, but I don't EVER want to see you here again.

Should you wish to test my resolve in this matter, you will be facing a finality beyond your comprehension.

I issued this ultimatum out of jealously and rage against melancthe and ehowton. I was jealous of melancthe's continual doting on ehowton every time he gave her compliment; more correctly, I was upset that I sought her favor through what I perceived to be genuine compliments and was repudiated whereas ehowton used flowery, superficial words and was lauded.To that end, I sought to control both melancthe and ehowton both through defriending and ultimatums.

This was wrong for many reasons.

Firstly, this should have been dealt with in a more private forum. It was wrong of me to attempt to resolve this issue forcibly and maliciously in public. What melancthe and ehowton chooses to say or do in a public forum especially on ehowton's blog is NOT within my jurisdiction to moderate. The very idea that I took this matter into my own hands to resolve without privately discussing the issue with them first in an attempt to bring about a peaceful resolution shows my immaturity and petulance.

Secondly, I sought to control both melancthe and ehowton in such a manner that they were left with no choice but to bend to my will. This too was wrong because they are NOT subservient to me and I do not have the authority to govern or regulate their actions. That I had the audacity to assume such a dictatorial position speaks volumes to my lack of character and shows that I do not possess the tools necessary to communicate civilly.

Finally, I threatened someone I cared about deeply for political and personal gain. I cannot begin to exhaustively list the reasons that this is utter folly. To believe that it is necessary to so ferociously trample another person in a power play for attention is indicative of a relationship that is one-sided at best and is indicative of larger, bigger problems that need to be resolved privately.

I wished that I could plead temporary insanity as a cause for this utter violation of privacy and free will, but I cannot. I meticulously planned and executed a dog and pony show in an attempt to gain melancthe's attention; when this did not work I concocted a plan that would simultaneously tie ehowton's hands and force melantche to terminate a relationship that made me greatly envious and jealous. My comment was designed with malicious intent to inflict a the greatest suffering at maximum potency.

I have spoken to melancthe and she assures me that this sin against her is unforgivable; however, I know her to be a person of long-suffering and infinite graciousness, and am confident that she will, in her own good time, bestow mercy on this fool for his malefactions.

Therefore, I am taking the following actions:

EFFECTIVELY IMMEDIATELY, I hereby rescind my pernicious, abominable comment. Anyone acting under that treacherous edict should cease and desist at once. It shall remain in tact on ehowton's blog at the pleasure of ehowton as a memorial of my shame and a testament to my utter stupidity.

Second, I offer a public apology to melancthe:


I beseech pardon you for my treacherous behavior. To play on your fears as I did is incomprehensible and unforgivable offense. Your affection and attention is yours to give--not mine to take; if I am compelled to act in such a confiscatory manner, I am not worthy of your affections nor do I deserve to have them bestowed upon me. Your attention and affection is yours to give to whom you will and it is wrong of me to attempt to re-appropriate them.

To have trodden on your emotions as I have is unredeemable and I can only lay prostrate at your feet and implore your mercy and forgiveness.

Eric, my patient friend,

I most humbly regret that I have tested our friendship with such a hot fire. It grieves me that catttitude has seen my actions as a vicious attack on a member of her family and has forbid me to speak to you ever again; I did not conceive the situation would so suddenly spin out of my control. I further wish to apologize for being so selfish as to sacrifice our relationship for my own selfishness desires to manipulate melancthe. I pray that you will forgive my egocentricity and that catttitude will accept my apology, grant me pardon and allow us to freely communicate again.

and to our Live Journal community at large:

To those of you who were witness to and fell pray to my folly, thus being deprived of the Excellent Prismantic Melancthe's presence on ehowton's blog, I beg of you while on bended knee to forgive my intrusion into your blogging affairs and urge you to encourage melancthe to return to her rightful place on ehowton's blog. I apologize for disrupting your week and vow this will NEVER happen again.

And offer to pay full restitution to both melancthe and ehowton as they see fit, and strive to repair their broken trust in me and our severed relationships.

I have a several people I wish to thank for their roles in this passion play:

First and foremost, this healing would not be possible if it were not for ehowton. He stood by my side and supported me through my follow to his own detriment. I can think of no greater testament to his character as a gentleman and am thankful that he pounded reason into my think skull as I continued to wallow in my folly.

I would like to thank drax0r for being a mirror and reflecting to me why I continue to fail in my relationships and, on a more general level, other people's perceive when the interact with me.

I would like to thank melancthe for her stoicism under such vicious and pernicious attacks. I do not believe there is a more gracious person alive today and her conduct in this manner proves that she is a much better person then I. I do not deserve to call her friend.

I will end this endeavor to start the healing process by reflecting on the words from Into the West:

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

The days ahead will not be days of jubilation for me but of serving as a pack mule in an attempt to right the irreparable damage I have wrought here. However, I have faith in melancthe, ehowton, catttitude and our Live Journal community at large to come together in unity and healing. I am sorry for the disgrace I have brought upon all of your and most humbly beg that you see me for the petulant manchild I am and will accept me back into the fold.

[User Picture]From: photogoot
2008-05-31 10:06 am (UTC)

You were correct in only one statement above. You are "a pack mule in an attempt to right the irreparable damage (you) have wrought"

Attempt to right the irreparable damage you may, but irreparable it will remain. Let the permanence of this simple truth permeate your conscious.

Flowery language, ten dollar words, and seemingly humble begging can never ever cover the foul stench of the rotten human being you actually are.

Fuck You!
Fuck Your Arrogance!
Fuck Your Selfish Wants!
Fuck Your Bull Shit Apology!

Just Disappear! You are a worthless FUCK!

Edited at 2008-05-31 02:07 pm (UTC)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: jaceman
2008-05-31 02:28 pm (UTC)
Wow, I read your ultimatum and became convinced you're an even bigger dick than I had previously thought.
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-06-02 12:52 pm (UTC)
So we're agreed that I have a big dick?
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From: irulan_amy
2008-06-01 07:06 pm (UTC)
Just not cool dude. At all. :/
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-06-02 12:54 pm (UTC)
Yeah totally not cool, though there may be a silver lining in tis cloud after all: at least now people will believe me when I say I have nothing to offer and that I am a big asshole.
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[User Picture]From: wardlejew
2008-06-02 12:47 pm (UTC)
I don't believe it is your "LJ community" anymore. The community you reference is built on trust, respect, and friendship. They did not kick you out, you left it when you lost all of the characteristics required to be a part of that group. It is not faith in them you have to worry about, they have not changed!

I do hope you really feel sorry for what you did to OTHERS, if it is regret for what YOU lost, you are missing the point. It is going to hurt, and may never stop.

From the movie you will not see. "I sense their is good in him."
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-06-02 12:52 pm (UTC)
Again, thank you for your kind words.

I am sorry for what I have done to others and I also have regret for what I have lost as the two are intertwined. There have been those, however, who have argued that what I had never exisited in the first place; I have a hard time coming to grips with that, but with each passing moment I find the strength to take a new step, even if I balk and falter.
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[User Picture]From: wardlejew
2008-06-02 01:01 pm (UTC)
"May the force be with you."

You don't know what you are missing. Maybe if you actually watched the movies that would be a sign of good faith. =)
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-06-02 01:25 pm (UTC)
I don't like Sci-fi as a general rule, you understand. Furthermore, I think that the whole concept is ludicrous. That aside, I've been told that there are many good lessons and morals to be had from the films.

But the death nail in the coffin for me is how George seemed to just throw money against the wall with the latest films instead of putting in the effort to make a proper movie and be a good filmmaker. Because he has the attitude of "we can fix it in post" for every decision on set, I did not patron the newer movies (though I worked at the theater when Episode III came out) and will not buy into the franchise because of his banal decision. Additionally, it makes me different then everyone in the room.
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[User Picture]From: fabrizzo
2008-06-02 06:57 pm (UTC)
Yes. Everyone is unique, Tom-Tom. So, are you saying you haven't seen the original trilogy? I thought you were unique because your name was Thomas Big-Watch? As opposed to Thomas Fluffy-Head. I fail to see the point of watching the original trilogy citing 'being different' as an excuse. Episodes I, II and III did suck though. Horribly in fact.


I don't like your apology. Apologies with flowers are so much better.
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-06-02 06:59 pm (UTC)
I don't like your apology. Apologies with flowers are so much better.
I don't have an address in South Africa to deliever the flowers to I would have alredy done so.
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-06-02 07:03 pm (UTC)
I fail to see the point of watching the original trilogy citing 'being different' as an excuse.
That's just the icing on the cake. I never watched the first three because they were sci-fi, but because of the last three, Lucas has made me vow to go to my grave without watching any of them.
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[User Picture]From: wardlejew
2008-06-03 04:53 pm (UTC)
I can respect you not watching because the genre isn't for you. But to critically analyze the process, which I'm sure you were not part of, and which I'm sure in reality you really know very little about, without seeing the product... He tweaked his first movies very minimal to test the waters for making the prequel. The prequel really aren't that bad except for jar-jar. Episode III is very entertaining.

My take of your take. You will not jump on the bandwagon and watch the movies, but you will jump on the bandwagon and criticize the creator. Don't see how you can get on the second wagon without having rode the first one.
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-06-03 04:58 pm (UTC)
Because George's filmmaking is a proverb.
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[User Picture]From: ehowton
2008-07-10 08:02 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: schpydurx
2008-07-18 04:50 pm (UTC)
I just posted a movie review just for you!
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