May 31st, 2008

Will you deliver Spain from Bondage?

A Call to Healing

Recently on ehowton's blog, I issued the following ultimatum to melancthe:


You say I'm an idiot and compare me to some CD shop guy? Well, I'm ready to prove to the world that you're a bigger fool then I ever hope to be.

I was rummaging through my email today and I found some rather damning letters you sent me last year. You keep saying that if I'll post private conversations about snapper521, I'll post them about you. Too bad you gave me the idea.

I'd like to spare you this embarrassment.

If you go away and never comment in ehowton's journal ever again, I will not post those emails, re-friend ehowton and let the good times roll. There is a clock on this deal: I expect a signal of your intentions by 1700 your local time or 1000 CST.

If ehowton defriends me, bans me, deletes this comment or the email, I will immediately post those emails on my site publicly and never remove them. If the ass-kissing continues on this site, I will post the emails.

I don't care where you go. You can have fun on your site where I can't see it, you can go to photogoot's site, you can create new sites, but I don't EVER want to see you here again.

Should you wish to test my resolve in this matter, you will be facing a finality beyond your comprehension.

I issued this ultimatum out of jealously and rage against melancthe and ehowton. I was jealous of melancthe's continual doting on ehowton every time he gave her compliment; more correctly, I was upset that I sought her favor through what I perceived to be genuine compliments and was repudiated whereas ehowton used flowery, superficial words and was lauded.To that end, I sought to control both melancthe and ehowton both through defriending and ultimatums.

This was wrong for many reasons.

Firstly, this should have been dealt with in a more private forum. It was wrong of me to attempt to resolve this issue forcibly and maliciously in public. What melancthe and ehowton chooses to say or do in a public forum especially on ehowton's blog is NOT within my jurisdiction to moderate. The very idea that I took this matter into my own hands to resolve without privately discussing the issue with them first in an attempt to bring about a peaceful resolution shows my immaturity and petulance.

Secondly, I sought to control both melancthe and ehowton in such a manner that they were left with no choice but to bend to my will. This too was wrong because they are NOT subservient to me and I do not have the authority to govern or regulate their actions. That I had the audacity to assume such a dictatorial position speaks volumes to my lack of character and shows that I do not possess the tools necessary to communicate civilly.

Finally, I threatened someone I cared about deeply for political and personal gain. I cannot begin to exhaustively list the reasons that this is utter folly. To believe that it is necessary to so ferociously trample another person in a power play for attention is indicative of a relationship that is one-sided at best and is indicative of larger, bigger problems that need to be resolved privately.

I wished that I could plead temporary insanity as a cause for this utter violation of privacy and free will, but I cannot. I meticulously planned and executed a dog and pony show in an attempt to gain melancthe's attention; when this did not work I concocted a plan that would simultaneously tie ehowton's hands and force melantche to terminate a relationship that made me greatly envious and jealous. My comment was designed with malicious intent to inflict a the greatest suffering at maximum potency.

I have spoken to melancthe and she assures me that this sin against her is unforgivable; however, I know her to be a person of long-suffering and infinite graciousness, and am confident that she will, in her own good time, bestow mercy on this fool for his malefactions.

Therefore, I am taking the following actions:

EFFECTIVELY IMMEDIATELY, I hereby rescind my pernicious, abominable comment. Anyone acting under that treacherous edict should cease and desist at once. It shall remain in tact on ehowton's blog at the pleasure of ehowton as a memorial of my shame and a testament to my utter stupidity.

Second, I offer a public apology to melancthe:


I beseech pardon you for my treacherous behavior. To play on your fears as I did is incomprehensible and unforgivable offense. Your affection and attention is yours to give--not mine to take; if I am compelled to act in such a confiscatory manner, I am not worthy of your affections nor do I deserve to have them bestowed upon me. Your attention and affection is yours to give to whom you will and it is wrong of me to attempt to re-appropriate them.

To have trodden on your emotions as I have is unredeemable and I can only lay prostrate at your feet and implore your mercy and forgiveness.

Eric, my patient friend,

I most humbly regret that I have tested our friendship with such a hot fire. It grieves me that catttitude has seen my actions as a vicious attack on a member of her family and has forbid me to speak to you ever again; I did not conceive the situation would so suddenly spin out of my control. I further wish to apologize for being so selfish as to sacrifice our relationship for my own selfishness desires to manipulate melancthe. I pray that you will forgive my egocentricity and that catttitude will accept my apology, grant me pardon and allow us to freely communicate again.

and to our Live Journal community at large:

To those of you who were witness to and fell pray to my folly, thus being deprived of the Excellent Prismantic Melancthe's presence on ehowton's blog, I beg of you while on bended knee to forgive my intrusion into your blogging affairs and urge you to encourage melancthe to return to her rightful place on ehowton's blog. I apologize for disrupting your week and vow this will NEVER happen again.

And offer to pay full restitution to both melancthe and ehowton as they see fit, and strive to repair their broken trust in me and our severed relationships.

I have a several people I wish to thank for their roles in this passion play:

First and foremost, this healing would not be possible if it were not for ehowton. He stood by my side and supported me through my follow to his own detriment. I can think of no greater testament to his character as a gentleman and am thankful that he pounded reason into my think skull as I continued to wallow in my folly.

I would like to thank drax0r for being a mirror and reflecting to me why I continue to fail in my relationships and, on a more general level, other people's perceive when the interact with me.

I would like to thank melancthe for her stoicism under such vicious and pernicious attacks. I do not believe there is a more gracious person alive today and her conduct in this manner proves that she is a much better person then I. I do not deserve to call her friend.

I will end this endeavor to start the healing process by reflecting on the words from Into the West:

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

The days ahead will not be days of jubilation for me but of serving as a pack mule in an attempt to right the irreparable damage I have wrought here. However, I have faith in melancthe, ehowton, catttitude and our Live Journal community at large to come together in unity and healing. I am sorry for the disgrace I have brought upon all of your and most humbly beg that you see me for the petulant manchild I am and will accept me back into the fold.
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    Into the West